Barbara Allerding

“Barbara, I have two beautiful bulldogs.”

What I would have given for you to see them.

“Oh John, they are beautiful,” you’d say,

drawing both your hands up to the sides of your face.

Your look of the purest joy.

I’ve got Bulldogs, you had Bassett Hounds,

for all those years I drove your car around.

A Mini Cooper S, Mk1. BRG.

As I lay in front of my open fire, today,

on this winter’s day of June,

I suddenly realised, I will never,

have the pleasure of seeing your beautiful smile,

as you say those words.

I’m just going to have to dream 

of that moment,

now forever,

instead.

Talking Point

Woke must be the biggest joke

ever perpetuated against society.

The conservatives, and the bigots, and the racists

commandeering a bogey man against which to rail,

so, they can go on talking their bigotry unabashed

with ‘woke’ meaning anything they want.

I Messed Up

“Dam! I messed that up.”

The words fall from my mouth, 

so easily, and so often.

“Wow, I got that wrong.”

It is like a song, I sing constantly,

I know it so well.

I say them, and sing them,

like that might change something, somehow?

(that much I can do)

but it never does.

It never will.

Double Standard Bigotry

A dick goes in your son’s mouth

and that makes you feel disgusted,

you say?

Do you ever think about the dick 

that goes in your daughter’s mouth?

No, I guess you don’t,

hey?

I hate to be so crude, but there is no other way

for that to be said, to say,

I am telling you about the same love,

as anyone else, but so many of you go there

and that is why, to you, it is so queer,

it is your problem not ours.

Bigoted politicians tweet vile messages,

which are universally condemned, by all and sundry

but then they say, in their defence we don't know 

how men feel, but we do know, how real men deal 

they don't care about being bigoted,

to hide their prejudice away,

real men hug their friends and their sons 

in exactly the same way.

Good Times

I feel like crap. Big weekend

Had good times. All the clubs I attend.

I danced under the lights.

I shared pills out of sight.

New mates I met for the night

Best clubbing buddies instantly tight.

The cubicle door locked, one pissed, 

The toilet system wiped, one sniffed.

On to the roof deck we drift

Some guy sucking shots off a comatose girl’s midriff

As her boyfriend showed polaroid’s of her snatch

Not sure who he was trying to attract.

I kissed in the shadows.

With the dark, sweaty fellow

We made eye contact as we danced

Him just wearing black pants

He smelt like a man

He had big warm hands

DJ one, DJ two. Deep house groove

We did things in the dark no one’s mother would approve

That sweet boy’s heart I theft

Vomiting in the gutter as I left

Wiping spittle from our mouths

as the taxi stopped we shout.

In the back seat, we held hands

At home, I got to pull off his pants

He left as the sun came up

Clothes back on, not a wash

I smiled and felt his beard rash.

Hours later when I was awake

My mouth was dry and my head ached.

Inequality

Increasingly, 

the police 

make up a barricade 

between those who have more than they could ever need, 

and those who have less than nothing.

Being

Sexless little being with a squeaky voice

Grow hair on your chin, girls are a choice

The cheek’s begun, love your mum

Hero, or teacher, love your father

Love with all your might, or fight.

Some people say it is the passing of the baton

you know what, that’s what happens.

Rip into life, get into strife

Grow your hair, what will I wear

Devil may care, have an affair

Children every week, that’s what you seek

She becomes the woman with whom you used to sleep

TV dinners on your own, missing your kids, missing your home

They grow so fast, when did you see them last

On your own, that was never the plan

Quickly it becomes time to hang up your work

Grey hair at the temples, suddenly you’re old

Someone to look after you, no never, eschew

Fight of your life, one night you die

Remembered for what, being a good guy that’s what

Fifty years passed. “Who is this?” your great grandkids ask.

That’s not how you thought this would play out.