My kinder teacher wore mauve, and had 3 big black dogs.
I can still remember my first day at school, the smell of floor polish, and hope.
I was told I was too old at 6 to learn the piano, it changed the course of my life forever, I feel,
and, I took up the fiddle, why not? Next best thing? But it never got under my skin.
Miss Quan’s dance lessons prepared us all for the end of the school year dance,
formal at the local town hall. 10 year olds in evening dress.
There was the moon landing, we gathered in the big hall, the whole school, to watch it on a small screen teli.
We played in the street on our bikes with the kids in the neighbourhood, all weekend.
Then my family moved house and lives, and I left all my friends behind.
We tried to keep in contact, but it was too far and we were too young.
I was often told I was a handsome young man.
I went to one of the best private schools, and I sang in the choir for my education, every night and twice on Sundays, yes indeed.
That seems like a lot now, too much for a 13 year old kid,
but I managed to say no to the paedophile who drove me home on Sundays.
Many years later, he’d get 15 years.
I remember the department store women all in black,
I sat with every night on the tram on my way home. They’d eventually look out for me. And bring me sweets.
My music teacher told me that I was so together one day in her car. I didn’t know what to think. I assumed it was a compliment.
I was on a bus in New Zealand when the DJ announced the King was dead.
Funny, I always thought we had a queen.
I played in the orchestra, with my viola, for school musicals, it filled my teenage school years
always under the stage, never the star.
I joined the school bush walking club and walked all over Australia on weekends and school holidays.
All the boys knew not to go into the bush walking master’s tent when invited.
Many years later he would kill himself the day before he was to be tried in court for touching the bush walking boys.
Not sure why some boys didn’t get the memo?
I wrote poems out of sight, all through, don’t know why I hid them? Why did I feel that way?
I joined a youth group and we hired a bus and drove to Uluru. American Pie and The 01st of May our only music for the drive.
I remember my mother saying to me that I had so many friends.
One of the best private schools failed me. I repeated year 12, at a tech school, and got high marks.
2nd time’s a charm, as they say.
I was miserable at uni, it was a great big monster I could never tame. What happened to hope?
I got a job. I was an adult with a life to live, not a child anymore? Stupid me.
I went overseas. Did the big trip. I was going to live there forever, never returning home,
until one day 2 years in, I was suddenly home sick and I came home.
I bought a house, I got a dog, I changed the team for whom I bat, as they say,
(although I was always on the other side, of course, I just stopped pretending)
In the wrong career, not a clue. I watched my good choices slip away.
I didn’t know that I didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t.
I still wrote every day, out of sight, still little faith in my talent. I just knew I had to. It was under my skin.
I found my tribe and I partied all night. Living for the moment, hedonistically, you might say. Dance parties. Drugs. Free love.
I discovered pot and disappeared into a Mary Jane fog for twenty years. Content. I treaded water, unwittingly.
I found love. I lost love. I found love again. We bought a house together.
I worked steadily. Lost jobs. Got jobs.
I learned about maniacal bosses building empires. I got sacked twice. I had an opinion, I was smart. Or was that how I explained it?
My youth slipped away.
My love found a new love, it was supposed to be very modern, and sharing, but in reality, I got traded in.
Forever fell away.
Blink and friends had died, gone too soon. My world shrank. My circle decreased.
I lost my best friend, Paul, to cancer at 38. The greatest best friend a boy could have. When it was hopeless, I looked into his blue eyes and assured him it was okay to let go. Saddest moment of my life. We lost so much.
I found a new love all for myself. We got a dog. Then we got him a friend.
Blink again and it’s all going, gone by so quick. Whoosh. My head spins around.
I finally understand what no dress rehearsal really means. Who knew? They should teach it in school.
Blink again and I feel like I am staring at the last act, just coming into view
Just like that.
Like it was only yesterday that I was fresh-faced and full of dreams.
