Janet & Me

Fuck me up the arse and call me Mary,

I said out loud, I was so surprised.

And Auntie Janet dropped her tea cup,

into the saucer with quite a crash, and splash.

You don't get fucked up the arse, do you, hon, 

said Janet. I'd thought you far to masculine for that?

First of all, hearing my old aunt say fucked up the arse

was really quite a trip and something I had to take in,

but, you know, it's a modern world, and it takes all sorts.

Why? Do you think it is a sin? I asked.

No, said Janet, with a twinkle in her eye,

I just found it hurt, when Simon tried it on me.

Oh, but you get used to it, we both said in unison, Janet and me. 

And we laughed and laughed, sharing a ciggie, or two.

After that, she and I had a conspiracy that we shared, 

and we were really much closer for it. Anal sex?

Who'd have thought? Janet was pushing 70 by then.

Forgive

If someone commits an abominable act

against you, or your family,

you have no choice but to forgive them,

not because they deserve forgiveness,

but because you deserve peace.

The Jesus Bullshit

Jesus, fuck me sideways, that was a surprise to me

Bread and wine in my hands down on my knees

I didn't spill a drop despite the tail wind catching me,

– body & blood, you know – 

even if it was a little difficult finding my mouth rocking to and fro.

Jesus, Maria, Sister, George,

Did you Brides of Christ not know what the guys were up to?

Surely, you must have had a clue?

Were you looking the other way for a reason,

Or did the divine spirit completely desert you?

Oh no, god moves in mysterious ways, 

Letting the priesthood be filled with the gays

When apparently, it’s against what the good book says,

Leaving them only the boys that come into their gaze.

You believe mystical bullshit,

You talk dreamed up mythical bullshit,

You facilitate bullshit happening,

More lives ruined than saved.

Sta Morendo

Those who die young

Die with much fanfare, and whaling, a gnashing of teeth

Those who die at a grand old age,

Die with a whimper and a silent exhale of breath.

21st Century Life

Do you ever wonder what went wrong with life,

when the only, “good morning” you ever get

is from your Apple watch?

That wasn’t quite what I was promised from birth, you can’t help but think.

Grow up, meet your soul mate, have a family.

Buy a house. Get a dog. Get a second car. Perhaps a beach shack.

Grow old together.

So many people are alone in the world, how did I end up as one of them, goes through your mind?

But still, I have Apple watches in an assortment of colours.

Look, this one matches my eyes.

It’s just a shame I have never had someone to tell me that.

Can an Apple watch tell me I am beautiful?

Pat me on the back?

Fly Me To The Moon

We’re flying to the moon,

And we’re celebrating the fact,

New giant step, and all that,

As the earth is practically in ruins,

Or heading there fast.

‘They’ haven’t said as much,

But I suspect going to the moon,

Is a good, financial opportunity,

And I wonder if they want to do to it,

What they have done down here.

So, we could end up with two

Balls of garbage,

Seemingly without a care,

That no one can go and live on Mars,

any time soon.

Christianity

My mother told me that Christianity was 

love thy neighbour, love one another.

That’s it. That’s what it is. That’s what it is about.

It isn’t anything else. It is that simple.

That was what my mother taught me.

And we go to church at Xmas and Easter,

to be together and to sing songs.

Because that’s what we do.

There is a certain joy in being together,

and doing that.

Loving thy neighbour.